A response to the sad death of Robin Williams

In my second year at university, I had a nervous breakdown after my mum tried to take her own life for the umpteenth time as I struggled to come to terms with the bullying I was subjected to at high school.

To enable me to deal with the crisis, my brain stopped producing enough serotonin naturally. Since then I have struggled on and off with depression as my brain has never actually recovered it's ability to produce the required amount of serotonin naturally.

When I have had my deepest depressive episodes, any rational thoughts have gone out of the window as I struggled to keep my emotions in check, especially as I'm a stubborn passive-aggressive personality type. My behaviour at the time was not normal (even for me) and I hurt people close to me without thinking, and then I felt even worse for hurting them.

I have had suicidal thoughts and once, when I was 22, I did take an overdose. Thankfully, it didn't work and I'm still here to tell the tale.

Today, I am prescribed drugs that help my brain to sustain serotonin levels so I keep things under control. I have resigned myself to the fact I will probably be on said drugs for life. These drugs, as with any drugs working with your brain chemistry, will not suit everyone but they work for me.

The sad truth is whilst I was suffering from depressive episodes, I felt alone as if I was the only person who felt like this. The truth is that about 30% of people will suffer from depression or one of its related conditions at some point in their life. I was not alone - I just was unable to feel I wasn't.

Another sad truth is that I realise that some of my intelligence and creativity have come from my lack of serotonin - low serotonin allows you to concentrate and reflect on things a lot more than normal. That's probably why people like Stephen Fry and Robin Williams have been as great as they are.

It is sad to hear that someone's suicide attempt has taken their life from us. The reason they've taken their life is irrational, but it's based on an irrational feeling that they cannot control and that you cannot understand unless you've been their yourself. So don't judge people harshly for doing what they've done.

However, when we reflect about Robin Williams and other people with a depressive illness, the important thing is to remember what they have given us whilst they've been alive.